Episode 135 – How Ego Destroys Influence

After briefly mentioning it on last week’s episode, Kurt and Steve quickly learned that most have a lot of “feelings about” the urban phenomena, RBF (otherwise known as Resting Bitch Face).  So they dived in a little more and wouldn’t you know it…there’s an actual website that will tell you if you have it!  All we ask is that if you do, you send us your picture to maximizeyourinfluence@gmail.com.  We want to see what RBF looks like!

Ingratiation: Make Others Feel Important

Ingratiation is gaining favor by deliberate effort. Ingratiation techniques can include compliments, flattery, and agreeableness. Ingratiation can also involve a special recognition of someone such as, “We don’t usually do this, but in your case I’m going to make an exception,” or “I am personally going to take care of this matter and see that you get what you want.” Many people consider ingratiation sucking up or brown-nosing, but it is an effective technique for making others more persuadable. The reason this strategy works is because The Law of Esteem increases likability and promotes an increase in their self-esteem

Research has demonstrated these conclusions about using ingratiation. In one study, “ingratiators” were perceived as more competent, motivated, and qualified for leadership positions by their supervisors.  In another study, subordinates who used ingratiation developed an increased job satisfaction for themselves, their coworkers, and their supervisor.  In yet another study, ingratiators enjoyed a 5 percent edge over noningratiators in earning more favorable job evaluations.  Ingratiation works even when it is perceived as a deliberate effort to win someone over. Our esteem is so starved that we accept any flattery or praise we can get.

Interesting Ingratiation Facts

•           It is better to use one great effective ingratiation method, than lots of smaller ones or in other words, less is more.

•           Ingratiators will be judged more positively using opinion or compliments conformity by the prospect than by a bystander.

•           Ingratiation will always work better when we are using downward influence (coworker, employee, you are their manager)

•           When we are attempting upward influence. (boss, CEO, power player)  Using apology, self- deprecation are more successful when you are persuading up or there is a large difference in status.  Using favors or compliments have little effect.

•           When ingratiating someone and they know you have an ulterior motive and it is transparent it will likely fail and decrease their liking towards you.