Persuasion Tool #11 – Self-Persuasion
Let’s talk about mindset or what I call “self-persuasion.” If you can’t persuade yourself, you are not going to be very good at persuading other people. With that said, understand that one of the biggest obstacles to success, and whatever you want to accomplish, is fear. How much has fear cost you in your life? How do you overcome that fear? It is real; it is there, but let’s talk about some of these studies about the top fears. What are the top fears? Well public speaking is always up there; fear of death is up there; fear of criticism; fear of failure. Here’s an interesting one; fear of success. Really? People have a fear of success? They do! Are they afraid of a nice car or a nice home? No. It is usually the fear of maintaining that success or what other people will say about their success.
It is interesting that the fear of public speaking is higher than the fear of death. I love the comedian Jerry Seinfeld when he says well if that is true, that means people would rather be in the casket at the funeral than giving the actual speech or the eulogy. Here’s the non-sugar-coated version. We are only born with two fears; a newborn baby only has two fears; the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. Think about that, what does that mean to you? It means all of these fears holding you back you’ve learned them and the good news is that you can unlearn them.
So where do we pick up these fears? Where does fear come from? Fear could come from society, experiences that we have, parents, ourselves, osmosis, or worry. Is fear holding your back? Fear is like driving around with the emergency brake on and wondering what is taking so long to be successful. I think the biggest fear that holds people back is fear of criticism; why are we so worried about what people think. I love what Napoleon Hill said. He said the fear of criticism robs a man or woman of initiative, destroys his power of imagination, limits his individuality, and takes away his self-reliance.
You have to understand no matter what you do, people will criticize you. You tell your family and friends about your goals and your dreams they are going to pull you down; that is just how it is, that’s how people are. I can give a perfect presentation and someone is going to criticize it; someone is going to say something negative; that is human nature. In fact, I remember an interesting story; I flew to California to visit my parents during the holidays in December. At the time I had about a 4-year-old daughter who was a very cute and petite. We were driving to the airport on December 26, and if you know anything about that day, it is very crowded. It is a high travel day and I looked at my ticket and it said seat to be assigned. Which if you know anything about flying is not a good thing. So I’ll just say once we get to the airport long lines, no seats, the holiday cheer had left the building and then the announcement comes on, “Kurt Mortensen, please come to the podium.” Oh, we are getting bumped, so I walked up there and the young lady had kind of a serious look on her face, and she said: “are you Kurt Mortensen?” I said yes. She said, “would you mind, would you be upset if we upgraded your whole family to first class?”
Sure! You don’t have to think about that one. She said the rest of first class had already boarded. Here are your tickets and go ahead and welcome aboard. This is great. It turned out really well. We boarded, and there was no more room in the overhead compartments so went behind that little curtain and put up the luggage and sat down. My wife sat by the window, my daughter in the aisle and I sat across on the other aisle. The flight attendants were great. So here is my daughter, this little girl sitting in this huge first class seat. The flight attendant brought her cookies and soda. It was fun for her. She was laughing, and she was having a good time, and then coach started to board, and I saw some interesting emotions; frustration, resentment, and anger towards this little girl that they didn’t even know.
Wow! I’m thinking anybody can pay for a first-class ticket, but human nature is they would rather resent the person sitting there than paying the price to get it. I thought about it the whole flight. We landed, and I went to get my luggage in coach, and I said excuse me. I was very polite, and I reached for it, and this man looked at me and says “you know what, you are not first class, you are no class.” Wow, where did that come from? How do you respond to that? The answer is: you don’t. People will criticize you. When people see you going after things they want, going after dreams they have had and they’ve given up on, consciously or subconsciously they are going to pull you down. That is human nature.
You need to follow your heart. Learn to overcome your fears and it will make a huge difference in what you are able to accomplish. How do you do that? How do you overcome your fear? Well, first of all where do these triggers come from? Where did you learn this fear? Think it through. Where did it come from? What is that fear really doing to you and how does that trigger your self-talk? How are you talking to yourself? Have you given up or can you change the way you talk to yourself?
Application
What is the worst thing that can happen and can you look fear in the face? For example, public speaking or cold calling or picking up the phone; whatever it is go out there and do it. Really what is the worst thing that can happen? You can handle that. When you are really feeling down and the fear is really starting to grow, think about your past victories, times where you really won or did something great. You accomplished something that was incredible. That will give you the courage that will give you the confidence to squash those fears. Also realize these fears are costing you money. Overcome that fear and release those brakes and learn how to persuade yourself and it will make a huge difference in your life and your income.