Persuasion Tool #10 – Mirror and Matching
Let’s finish up the 4R’s resistance. We’ve talked about creating a compelling reason, managing risk, putting resources into perspective and now the final R is representative or you. Could it be caused by you? Is that possible? Well, maybe you are thinking it is other people that have this issue. Have an open mind here, and let’s talk about it, because you know that annoying person that nobody likes? You know that person that rubs you the wrong way? You know that person that thinks they’re funny – but they’re not? That could be YOU!
Of course, I’m not here to sugarcoat it. Maybe they didn’t like or trust you. So, when you talk about representative and resistance, it could be your appearance or even your people skills. Bottom line, can you create rapport? Can you get people to like you? Can you build trust with anybody?
You have less than 30 seconds for them to decide if they like or trust you. It doesn’t matter if it’s fair. It’s reality. We know that when we meet someone for the first time, we’re being judged by our past history, expectations, body language, tone of voice, and word choices. You have to establish rapport early on in the encounter. You have to make a good lasting impression because the cement dries fast. Here’s the challenge. You think you’re developing a rapport, but 75% of the people don’t like that gushy chit-chatty stuff, and 99% of them won’t even bother to stop you when they’re annoyed.
Let’s talk about one of the aspects of really connecting with people, and that is developing rapport. What is that? It’s your ability to read non-verbal behavior. We know people are more successful when they can read emotions and read facial expressions. One technique you can use is mirror and matching. Mirror and matching is when you’ve connected with someone and you have created rapport – your energy starts to synchronize with them, and your body posture synergizes. Everything becomes harmonized. It’s a natural part of human behavior. What mirror and matching does is that you’re accelerating what’s going to happen anyway as you establish rapport.
Here are the interesting studies. There’s the two-second study. This was done with students at a college. They were shown a two-second video clip of a professor. A survey was then given to the class that had just finished a semester with the professor, and then those that only saw the two-second video slip. Here’s the interesting thing. The evaluations were very similar between the two groups. In other words, the two-second group made the same judgments as the whole semester group.
A college professor went to multiple restaurants, picked someone out 20 feet away, and would take a bite at the same time, would take a drink at the same time, would wipe their face at the same time, and ultimately the person would come over to them and say, “Do I know you? You seem very familiar to me.”
John Grinder and Richard Bandler, known for NLP, made mirror and matching famous. When you can mirror and match people, it has a powerful impact on persuasion and your ability to connect. The main idea is to mirror or reflect, not to imitate. You don’t want people to think you’re imitating them or you’re mocking them, because they’re going to be offended. When you mirror your prospect, you build rapport because the prospect will feel a connection or a similarity with you.
Remember, people are inclined to follow and be influenced by those they perceive as similar to themselves. Even if they shift in their posture, you eventually do, too. They cross their legs, eventually you’ll to cross your legs as well. This is a natural part of human behavior. Mirror and matching also includes energy. If it’s Monday morning and they haven’t had their coffee and your energy’s 10 points higher than theirs, there will be a disconnect. Mirror their energy and eventually bring their energy up. Listen to their language and use some of the same words that they are using. This tool will establish a connection for you. This is powerful science. It works.
Application
Learn to mirror and match. Practice this tool in situations where you really don’t need to persuade. Be aware, read people; how are they’re standing, watch their energy levels, what words are they using, and begin to mirror and match them. Don’t mimic them exactly, but slowly mirror them. If they lean back in their chair, you can slowly lean back in your chair. This technique will automatically help you connect with people, and when people like you and trust you— they are much easier to persuade.